My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
