sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
