i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
