So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How naked do you want me to be?
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