3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
