Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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