i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
