i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
