Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry ilovecock hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

ya dads aren't the best wingmen

Fav 2 1043 1776
share tweet
(347): View more from New York

so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"

Fav 57 1059 4739
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student

Fav 24 5221 1385
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.

Fav 5 914 1820
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.

Fav 6 1325 777
share tweet
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.

Fav 2 710 1355
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(573): View more from Missouri

Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.

Fav 3 811 540
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(989): View more from Michigan

My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.

Fav 0 166 495
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(707): View more from California

Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick

Fav 0 88 15
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT