just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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