I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
