Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
