your thong is hanging out like whoa
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
