If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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