OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
