He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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