Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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