in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
