So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
