Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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