btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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