this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
