Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
