dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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