i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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