she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
