Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
