You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
