she smelled like a LAN party
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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