I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
