in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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