We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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