elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
