They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
