I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
