We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
