Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
