Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
