when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
