is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
