my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
