apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
