Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
