everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
