Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
