I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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