Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
