just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
