It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
