how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
