I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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