Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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