I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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