He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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