I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize