y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
