i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
