Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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