Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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