I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jerry, you need to find god
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
