She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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