I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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