So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
