i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
