if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
