Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
A+ Viking dick
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
