Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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