Whod you bang
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
