I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
