I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
