You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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