My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
