We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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