she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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