So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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