Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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