p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
