i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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